Mum’s been recovering quite well in a gastro-intestinal ward. She’s had most of her drains out now and has been able to manage things like soup and jelly as well as the TPN liquid feed that she’s been receiving. Her surgeon is pleased with her progress. She’s still been pretty weak but has been able to get out of bed and sit in a chair. I think she’s going to need quite a bit of physio to get her strength back again.
However, yesterday she was moved to a different ward because of diarrohea and vomiting. This may be due to a bug that was going around the ward or it may be because of her condition. She’s also had to have another chest drain put in her left lung again to drain fluid away and she’s also had another blood transfusion because of poor haemoglobin levels and of course is feeling pretty down about it all again. So a return trip to Southampton looks inevitable.
I’m just starting to realise just how long this recovery is going to take. It’s not unusual for me to under-estimate things, I have a pretty optimistic approach to most things…”oh it’ll be alright, we’ll manage” but I’ve been in denial about the long road ahead. I’ve been imagining that she’ll be in hospital another 2 or 3 weeks and then staying with me for a month or two. But these things are impossible to estimate.
It’s just dawning on me that we’re going to need more support than what I can manage. I have my own health problems that are a struggle to deal with so I won’t be able to manage being a full time carer. Who will come in and help us? what will she need?; what about respite care?; how long will she be needing extra care and support?; where will she go afterwards?; will it be easier to get her help now rather than in a couple of months time when I’m on my knees from trying to cope with it all?
There are so many things in this arena of uncertainty. Not to mention concerns about my own life, how will I achieve my goals of producing the next series of my radio show; to extend my blog; to work as a lay tutor at Frenchay hospital’s pain management unit; my physio requirements and health; my social life and plans for my future. I’d love to think that as Superwoman I can manage it all and I don’t want to feel like I’m letting mum down but I have to get real here. I appreciate the honesty of friends who have been wise enough to get this through to me.
The sword of Damocles in the shape of an enormous ? hangs heavy over me and I just have to practise acceptance.